work rams me hard

Work is taking its toil on me. Busy to me is good. This is because i can pass time much faster than usual. Also, i believe that if i work hard, i can be rewarded handsomely. But suddenly, it is getting overwhelming and i find myself in an unfamiliar state - 'i like to grumble about it'.

There is more to this. I am emotion-driven. Like waves, my emotions can come and hit in a big but dangerous way. Sometimes, work piles up even as i am trying my best to finish it. I have never stopped. I could only picture myself moving from point to point to deliver items and completing a paper work at the desk. Whenever my boss happens to see me working diligently or not, he will direct more work to me. The workload increases.

To a point, my head spins and i need to pause as my world seems to spiral out of control. In this short moment, i teared involuntarily. I could not rein 100% control over my work when a cock-up appeared and any of this is unpardonable. It is as though the phase,"To err is human" is invalid. Instead, I must ensure that everything runs smoothly and that any mistake is not caused by me. If not, i will have to bear the consequences and continue suffering in silence.

But once home, i just want to be myself in my precious free time, insulated from the week's long work. I want to close this work week as soon as possible. It has been dull though.