Title: Begin with the end in mind
Begin with the end in mind. That's the phrase that came into my mind this morning when I was on the train to school. I have thought of the kind of ending I want in my life.
Firstly, I will die a natural death. For me, to die unnaturally, it is a big no-no. I would not want to commit suicide. Because, if I fling myself down some levels as high as 11 storeys, I will end up having my brain all smashed. On top of that, I will be disfigured. This is a bad way to die.
Next, I will not want to be killed by anyone. It is worse than killing myself. I have to pass on, knowing that I have been killed by someone who so dislikes me. No. I won't let myself die like that.
Above mentioned are seriously producing a person who will die without a complete body. I will not want that. I prefer to die a complete body.
I predict the cause of my death would be stomach (gastric) cancer. It is 100% natural death. The reason for dying that way is because i have spotted some symptoms of stomach cancer that i have now. I have had before and still have a loss of appetite, weight loss, diarrhea, bloated stomach (after meal), fatigue, adominal pain, bleeding and vomiting. I seem not to be able to think of other natural way of dying for the time being. Thus, it is an alternative for me to die as a whole and without being disfigured.
I have always been admired by some for being very thin. Especially Purple, whenever Diana, she and i see each other, she would go, "Diana, 我变胖了." Then she would comment that I am so thin and is a good thing that she wants to achieve.To think that she is envious of me being thin and slim, I am actually down with illness.
Also, I want to pass on with many, many, many and many people crying for me because I have impacted their lives. I want to leave the world with a smile of accomplishment. Thus, I will 'begin with the end in my mind', indeed.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
i am 'tricked'
Title: i am 'tricked'
Oh my.... I was tricked by my own brother. Tricked but it was sure fun. My lanky, younger brother, don't know for what reason, is much taller than me. Ok, i shall stop my usual grumbling.
I was brought to this website where it's supposed to be a game and i had to control my hand strength and direction to direct the cursor without touching the sides, in order to complete the stages. In the end, it was a game that had a trap inserted to scare the freak out of anyone. When i was playing the game, i was tired and when the thing came out from nowhere, i was not really frightened that badly and was slow to react to that silly picture. The game has 3 rounds and i just had problem entering the 3rd round and was not very interested in that game. I could have avoided experiencing it if had insisted taking a nap. To think that my brother kept emphasizing on round 3, it was actually a trick.
To play the game i just played, go to: http://www.winterrowd.com/maze/ or another game that aims at scaring you: http://www.embosscreative.com/warnerbros/exorcist/exorcistgame.html.
For cousins, you can locate the links at our blog - http://www.asccdckbkcmntstswcya.blogspot.com/. Kwan Boon's recommendation - Must Try!
Oh my.... I was tricked by my own brother. Tricked but it was sure fun. My lanky, younger brother, don't know for what reason, is much taller than me. Ok, i shall stop my usual grumbling.
I was brought to this website where it's supposed to be a game and i had to control my hand strength and direction to direct the cursor without touching the sides, in order to complete the stages. In the end, it was a game that had a trap inserted to scare the freak out of anyone. When i was playing the game, i was tired and when the thing came out from nowhere, i was not really frightened that badly and was slow to react to that silly picture. The game has 3 rounds and i just had problem entering the 3rd round and was not very interested in that game. I could have avoided experiencing it if had insisted taking a nap. To think that my brother kept emphasizing on round 3, it was actually a trick.
To play the game i just played, go to: http://www.winterrowd.com/maze/ or another game that aims at scaring you: http://www.embosscreative.com/warnerbros/exorcist/exorcistgame.html.
For cousins, you can locate the links at our blog - http://www.asccdckbkcmntstswcya.blogspot.com/. Kwan Boon's recommendation - Must Try!
Monday, November 26, 2007
sorry
Title: sorry
I have thought through and shall now write about it. What does sorry mean to you? The first image appears to you is ....
For me, the moment when one says sorry, it defines the willingness to acknowledge own mistake as one will feel uncomfortable within for the things one did and owns up for the sake of lightening the psychological burden. It feels like a judge would say in a court, "You are guilty"and the plaintiff's fate is sealed for his evildoings. Also, the subsequent feeling can be as if one is brought down to his knees to ask for the other forgiveness. When the receiving party feels fully what has just been mentioned, the sincerity has been felt truly and the word 'sorry' has been exercised to its fullest potential. Then one would hope that his apology would be accepted. Greatness of the word 'sorry' is that it makes anyone who uses it a better person with sincerity because one will put in effort to avoid the pitfalls one has been through.
Sorry works, doesn't it? In an argument, once one says sorry, it marks the end of a war and peace treaty is signed when both agree that apologising is the way to end. But sometimes, due to human nature, thing is made complicated. After one apologised, the offended party might just harper on the incident which the guilty party for his wrongdoings when another fight is incurred. Thus, sorry seems to only work for a while. Human is just complicated. To bring up the past matter, the once-upon-a-time-agreed treaty was broken. It reminds the guilty party what was done. The word 'sorry' can't bury that unhappy past when the other party who belongs to a personality that likes to bring up the past.
I have thought through and shall now write about it. What does sorry mean to you? The first image appears to you is ....
For me, the moment when one says sorry, it defines the willingness to acknowledge own mistake as one will feel uncomfortable within for the things one did and owns up for the sake of lightening the psychological burden. It feels like a judge would say in a court, "You are guilty"and the plaintiff's fate is sealed for his evildoings. Also, the subsequent feeling can be as if one is brought down to his knees to ask for the other forgiveness. When the receiving party feels fully what has just been mentioned, the sincerity has been felt truly and the word 'sorry' has been exercised to its fullest potential. Then one would hope that his apology would be accepted. Greatness of the word 'sorry' is that it makes anyone who uses it a better person with sincerity because one will put in effort to avoid the pitfalls one has been through.
Sorry works, doesn't it? In an argument, once one says sorry, it marks the end of a war and peace treaty is signed when both agree that apologising is the way to end. But sometimes, due to human nature, thing is made complicated. After one apologised, the offended party might just harper on the incident which the guilty party for his wrongdoings when another fight is incurred. Thus, sorry seems to only work for a while. Human is just complicated. To bring up the past matter, the once-upon-a-time-agreed treaty was broken. It reminds the guilty party what was done. The word 'sorry' can't bury that unhappy past when the other party who belongs to a personality that likes to bring up the past.
Sorry has the power to make one vulnerable. It has made one weak and unfortunately or fortunately, increased the bargaining power of the receiving party. If it is unfortunate, then it has to be that the offended person is a nasty individual who likes to take advantage of others when they are weak. However, for some who have good character, he will not make use of the siuation to his own advantage but makes a good friend with the person who issues sorry. What's more, a true friendship might even be fostered or grown in strength.
To say sorry, one bears all responsibilities. So for whatever mistakes made in the incident, regardless of who did what, the person takes up the tag of i am guilty and shall be remembered for life that i have done this and this which caused so much happiness in who and who. A silly memory that will be with you for life if the matter is of great importance.
The empathy is felt. Instead, sorry brings one to the level where he and the hurt party share the burden. The barrier is still there sometimes. The person who feels the hurt does not believe it and may think that he is hypocritical. But somehow, with perseverance, the person may accept it.
Sorry is not hard for me to say. I can apologise right away if I am in the wrong. But the issue is that, I sometimes found that sorry cannot help me much when damages are done. Even though I may apologise, I cannot erase the mistake. However, the apology I issue is dependent on the offended one if he/she wants to accept it. So I can only regret when my apology is rejected.
The usage frequency of the word plays a great part too. If the word is used too often, one loses credibility. Sincerity in each sorry said has sadly eroded. For example, if you broke a promise to meet your friend at 8am, in school, you turned up only at 8.15am and you apologised. For the first try, sorry is readily accepted generally and your friend might even add in some comforting words, "I understand". But try to be late for the next few appointments, the image of you is further imprinted in your friend's mind. Try to say sorry again, it won't work wonders for you anymore, sorry.
To restrain the use, it would help alot. By saying so, it does not mean that if one is in the wrong, he should reduce using the word 'sorry'. Instead, it is meant that preventing any collision of interests will decrease the use of the word 'sorry'.
Sorry, if i have made you so sick of seeing this full-of-sorry post, haha.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Shooting day
Title: Shooting day
The last shoot was held at Diana's house yesterday. Evangeline acted. Although i did not get to see all her acting, i still remember the line, "Mum, i am home." haha. Gerry came also. While the filming was going on, we had nothing to do and started playing chi-go-pa. It was done silently.
I was haunted by my past when Sonia asked for my chinese name. I was called a canned chicken. That was my primary school nickname. It was so long ago i was called that.
The last shoot was held at Diana's house yesterday. Evangeline acted. Although i did not get to see all her acting, i still remember the line, "Mum, i am home." haha. Gerry came also. While the filming was going on, we had nothing to do and started playing chi-go-pa. It was done silently.
I was haunted by my past when Sonia asked for my chinese name. I was called a canned chicken. That was my primary school nickname. It was so long ago i was called that.
Diana and i crapped alot too. I was inspired by Sonia yesterday to crap. I was standing at Diana's room door and Sonia needed to go by that way often. So I kept making way for her and she apologised till i was struck with an idea to tease her. So when she came again, i said,"Sonia needs the way." Then her name became Soni. no offence, joking only. Diana added the word "ar". So it was "Soni Ar". I would start saying "Soni", followed by Diana's "Ar". Evangeline chipped in some idea and made a joke out of it - Soni has a good friend called Eric. So it was "...." "....", (you should know what i mean). haha.
It was a long day for everyone - the castes, Kane, Gek Peng, Nick, Khair, Sindhu, Mano, Sonia, Gerry, Wee Kuang, Diana and Evangeline. Thanks for the hardwork and the many shots taken. You made good use of the time yesterday.
"place your straightened hand with your fingertips on your lip. Then move them away from your lip, forward and then downward." To someone who understands it and you are not forgotten for your effort.
Shooting fun
Title: Shooting fun
One of the most incredible things that i had done these few days was i did not sleep much. Also, i reached home as late as when all my family members turned in and left home early in the morning when mum was still asleep (what a rare case!).
Thursday's night was spent in school till 11pm. By the time i reached home, it was then 12 am. I slept and woke up at 1am continued doing assignment till the next day when i left house at 6plus am for school.
It was friday. I handed in an assignment that very day. It signalled some form of relief for me. But yet, another few assignments are due again soon.
While i was still rushing the friday's project, i was scheduled to meet the others for filming. I managed to get SiuWen, Amy, Dorothy, Gerry for my shooting. Well, it was quite an enjoyable session as we managed to have fun joking. Thanks to Diana, my nickname as Bamboo is known to more people. As the scene was taken without sound, we needed to pretend we were talking about projects by talking craps.
In one of the shots, I was asked the question - Are you a bamboo? - thrice. So i answered," yeah, i am a bamboo." I even said "straight down" with both my palm facing each other and moved them downwards like a chopper to illustrate my figure was as good as a bamboo.
There was one shot that was taken from Gerry's back. Because Gerry is too tall when he was seated, he was asked to slide lower while sitting for about 3 times. haha. Siu Wen drew a bamboo of me and Diana helped to improve the drawing by adding a spectacle. It was a good artwork.
Me: Don't go to hospital!
Siu Wen and Diana's ARTwork: I Like IT.
One of the most incredible things that i had done these few days was i did not sleep much. Also, i reached home as late as when all my family members turned in and left home early in the morning when mum was still asleep (what a rare case!).
Thursday's night was spent in school till 11pm. By the time i reached home, it was then 12 am. I slept and woke up at 1am continued doing assignment till the next day when i left house at 6plus am for school.
It was friday. I handed in an assignment that very day. It signalled some form of relief for me. But yet, another few assignments are due again soon.
While i was still rushing the friday's project, i was scheduled to meet the others for filming. I managed to get SiuWen, Amy, Dorothy, Gerry for my shooting. Well, it was quite an enjoyable session as we managed to have fun joking. Thanks to Diana, my nickname as Bamboo is known to more people. As the scene was taken without sound, we needed to pretend we were talking about projects by talking craps.
In one of the shots, I was asked the question - Are you a bamboo? - thrice. So i answered," yeah, i am a bamboo." I even said "straight down" with both my palm facing each other and moved them downwards like a chopper to illustrate my figure was as good as a bamboo.
There was one shot that was taken from Gerry's back. Because Gerry is too tall when he was seated, he was asked to slide lower while sitting for about 3 times. haha. Siu Wen drew a bamboo of me and Diana helped to improve the drawing by adding a spectacle. It was a good artwork.
Thank you for helping. Appreciated.
Gerry: Luckily you have a patient friend for this (referring to shoot).Me: Don't go to hospital!
Siu Wen and Diana's ARTwork: I Like IT.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Project again!
Title: Project again!
Today was another project-dominated day. It is ending soon. We were all doing project till Diana fell asleep and had problem getting focused. I think she has overworked herself. Anyway, some of us laughed when Xin Yong asked Wee Kuang to lower his voice. Apparently, Xin Yong did a funny expression.
But i sense that my project is heading for completion sooner and i am excited.
For some publicity, a cousin blog is set up. Do visit it, cousins! I think it is the work by Aaron and Kwan Boon. haha. It seems cool that cousins can have a common platform to communicate now.
Today was another project-dominated day. It is ending soon. We were all doing project till Diana fell asleep and had problem getting focused. I think she has overworked herself. Anyway, some of us laughed when Xin Yong asked Wee Kuang to lower his voice. Apparently, Xin Yong did a funny expression.
But i sense that my project is heading for completion sooner and i am excited.
For some publicity, a cousin blog is set up. Do visit it, cousins! I think it is the work by Aaron and Kwan Boon. haha. It seems cool that cousins can have a common platform to communicate now.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
project is ending one-by-one
Title: project is ending one-by-one
The work is peaking while deadlines are nearing. These contribute the ultimate stress in me. Anyway, i am starting to like the feeling of being busy. If i could sleep 4 hours a day, the rest of the hours are contributed to work, play, i would gladly accept that.
With so many projects due one-by-one, i have to have the energy to last the race. There is one thing that Diana and i agree, it is not possible that we would not finish our assignment. I am looking for weekends when i can recover all my sleeping hours. For me, if i sleep too much, i would get sleepy.
Conquer of the night: I had hokkien mee for dinner. Guess what, the stallholder who never talked to me besides telling me the price of the food previously on many many occasions, told me this: "这是最后一份" haha. I was lucky to buy the last pack.
Back to doing project for now. What a random post!
The work is peaking while deadlines are nearing. These contribute the ultimate stress in me. Anyway, i am starting to like the feeling of being busy. If i could sleep 4 hours a day, the rest of the hours are contributed to work, play, i would gladly accept that.
With so many projects due one-by-one, i have to have the energy to last the race. There is one thing that Diana and i agree, it is not possible that we would not finish our assignment. I am looking for weekends when i can recover all my sleeping hours. For me, if i sleep too much, i would get sleepy.
Conquer of the night: I had hokkien mee for dinner. Guess what, the stallholder who never talked to me besides telling me the price of the food previously on many many occasions, told me this: "这是最后一份" haha. I was lucky to buy the last pack.
Back to doing project for now. What a random post!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Penguin
Extracted from: http://www.meltx.blogspot.com/
feel as stone as a penguin
just wanna do i/s/o/lation
no feel to blog
hahhaaa
BUSY
tata XD
just wanna do i/s/o/lation
no feel to blog
hahhaaa
BUSY
tata XD
Friday, November 16, 2007
a busy day for me
Title: a busy day for me
I had a sudden quiz, in lecture this morning. By right, i should not have gone for the 9am lecture with the intention of skipping it. But the news that there is a quiz made me, Wee Kuang and Diana go for the lecture. Also i had barely slept from 4.30am to 6plus in the morning. I was tired and had to rush an assignment.
It was one of those times that i did not know how to answer even a single question. How rare! Luckily the quiz did not have high weightage and i can still recover the points by doing well for other 2 subsequent quizzes.
After completing the quiz, i went straight back to canteen 1 for marketing communication assignment. I had been skipping lectures these few days not for fun but for worthwhile purposes. I was telling Diana that, "The feeling of skipping lesson was great. I am special in a way and everyone still needs to attend classes while we are out here when we supposed to have class."
I then had a meeting till 5pm before i could go for Project Nuts. What's more, when i was helping out, i was drained and i was supposed to do crowd control. To control crowd, i would sometimes ask the participants to move away from tracks. Maureen was sometimes at her station with Melise guarding the belongings. However, Maureen being bored there, came looking for me as i was stationed at the actual event venue where she could see the race.
After that, i left my duty place and went along the running route with Maureen and we saw Pak Wing and then Derek. They had fun cheering the runners. At the end of it, Maureen claimed she did alot of merits - crowd control, road marshal, guard locker. haha. Pak Wing was teasing Maureen, "Auntie."
I had a sudden quiz, in lecture this morning. By right, i should not have gone for the 9am lecture with the intention of skipping it. But the news that there is a quiz made me, Wee Kuang and Diana go for the lecture. Also i had barely slept from 4.30am to 6plus in the morning. I was tired and had to rush an assignment.
It was one of those times that i did not know how to answer even a single question. How rare! Luckily the quiz did not have high weightage and i can still recover the points by doing well for other 2 subsequent quizzes.
After completing the quiz, i went straight back to canteen 1 for marketing communication assignment. I had been skipping lectures these few days not for fun but for worthwhile purposes. I was telling Diana that, "The feeling of skipping lesson was great. I am special in a way and everyone still needs to attend classes while we are out here when we supposed to have class."
I then had a meeting till 5pm before i could go for Project Nuts. What's more, when i was helping out, i was drained and i was supposed to do crowd control. To control crowd, i would sometimes ask the participants to move away from tracks. Maureen was sometimes at her station with Melise guarding the belongings. However, Maureen being bored there, came looking for me as i was stationed at the actual event venue where she could see the race.
After that, i left my duty place and went along the running route with Maureen and we saw Pak Wing and then Derek. They had fun cheering the runners. At the end of it, Maureen claimed she did alot of merits - crowd control, road marshal, guard locker. haha. Pak Wing was teasing Maureen, "Auntie."
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